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WWAG AUTOMATED BROADCAST TRANSCRIPT
ARCHIVE FILE: 03-PSM-TRANSCRIPT
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[08:07:11 AM]

Song: “Bad Moon Rising” — Creedence Clearwater Revival

[08:10:33 AM — LIVE MIC]

CHUCK WAGGONER:

Alrighty Central Florida! Good mornin’, good mornin’, good moooornin’!

You’re ridin’ shotgun with the Pork Snout in the Morning here on WWAG 98.7.

It is a beautiful Tuesday morning, 82 degrees already which means the humidity is doing that thing where you walk outside and immediately regret every life decision you’ve ever made.

We’ve got requests comin’ up, traffic updates, and a reminder that today is National Pork Rind Appreciation Day which is either a real holiday or something I just made up to justify my breakfast.

Either way – we celebrate here.

Now before we roll into some Van Halen let me address the sixteen people who have emailed the station asking why the police sirens have been goin’ all night.

Folks… I’m a radio DJ.

If I knew what the police were doing I’d probably also know what’s inside a Chick-fil-A pickle brine and both of those things are classified.

Authorities did release a statement this morning saying:

“There is no reason for public concern. Officials are monitoring the situation.”

Which is government speak for “please go back to work and pay your taxes.”

So that’s what we’re doing, er well the work thing anyway.

Now let’s get some requests going.

Phones are open.

Song: “Panama” — Van Halen

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REQUEST LINE ACTIVE
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[08:18:02 AM]

CHUCK:

WWAG request line, who we got?

CALLER:

Uh… hi… hi yeah is this live?

CHUCK:

Unless I’ve finally been replaced by a robot which frankly would be cheaper for the station – yes sir you’re live.

What’s your name?

CALLER:

I… I’d rather not say.

CHUCK:

Okay mysterious stranger. What can the Pork Snout do for you this fine sweaty Florida morning?

CALLER:

You need to tell people something.

CHUCK:

Buddy this is a radio station not a hostage negotiation but go ahead.

CALLER:

I work for a company that contracts to the government.

CHUCK:

Oh boy.

We’re ten seconds in and we’ve already got a conspiracy.

Folks this is why I don’t drink coffee before the request line.

CALLER:

I’m serious.

CHUCK:

Alright alright.

What kind of company?

CALLER:

Research.

CHUCK:

You a scientist?

CALLER:

No.

I’m a janitor.

CHUCK:

…okay.

Well that’s new.

Usually the whistleblowers are the big-brain guys in lab coats not the bucket jockeys.

CALLER:

I clean the labs.

I see things.

CHUCK:

Uh huh.

And what exactly are we seeing?

CALLER:

Something got loose.

CHUCK:

Sir this is not a head-shrinking call-in show.

This is Pork Snout in the Morning.

CALLER:

I’m telling you the truth!

CHUCK:

Alright relax.

What “something” are we talkin’ about?

CALLER:

I don’t know.

But the animals knew before anyone else.

CHUCK:

Animals?

CALLER:

They test compounds on them.

Dogs, pigs… birds.

Yesterday the birds in the facility just started slamming into the walls of the aviary.

Over and over.

Like they were trying to escape something.

CHUCK:

Birds do weird stuff man.

Have you seen pigeons downtown?

Those things look like they owe money to organized crime.

CALLER:

Then the alarms started.

Chemical alarms.

CHUCK:

Now hold on – 

CALLER:

They told everyone it was a containment drill but I saw the hazmat teams.

Military ones.

CHUCK:

Alright listen – 

CALLER:

You don’t understand!

They shut down the loading docks and the ventilation system and – 

CHUCK:

Okay buddy let’s slow this down before we lose the FCC license.

CALLER:

People were getting sick.

CHUCK:

What kind of sick?

CALLER:

Like… confused.

Shaking.

One guy bit a security guard.

CHUCK:

…bit him.

CALLER:

They took him away.

Nobody came back after that.

And now they’re saying on the news everything’s fine but it’s not fine.

CHUCK:

Sir. Sir.

Take a breath.

You sound like you’ve had about six energy drinks and three Reddit forums this morning.

CALLER:

They’re coming for me.

CHUCK:

Who is?

CALLER:

The government.

They know I left.

CHUCK:

Okay that’s where we’re gonna pump the brakes.

CALLER:

You have to warn people.

CHUCK:

Listen friend.

I appreciate the enthusiasm but the only thing we warn people about on this show is gas station sushi.

CALLER:

No listen—

CHUCK:

You sure you don’t wanna just request a song?

CALLER:

They’re here.

CHUCK:

Who’s here?

CALLER:

The—

[LOUD BANG — AUDIO DISTORTION]

CHUCK:

What the – 

Caller?

You still there?

CALLER:

They’re in the building – 

CHUCK:

Hold on a second.

You’re saying you’re here?

CALLER:

In the lobby.

I came to warn—

[MIC DISTANT NOISE — SHOUTING]

CHUCK:

Uh…

Okay folks this is a new one.

Looks like we might have a little excitement downstairs.

Hang on while I – 

[GLASS SHATTER]

CHUCK:

Jesus – 

Was that a – 

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOT]

[STATIC]

CHUCK (whispering):

…there are men in suits down there.

Military escort.

They just – 

[TRANSMISSION CUT]

Station Automatic Failsafe Playback:

“Don’t Fear the Reaper” – Blue Öyster Cult

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END TRANSCRIPT
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[Recovered Broadcast Transcript
Station: WWAG 98.7 FM
Program: Pork Snout in the Morning
Host: Chuck “The Snout” Waggoner
Location: Central Florida]

[502] Words : Hidden